"God was never born. He just always existed. He also won't die. This sort of makes writing a biography an endless torment. So we won't."
"Since the 19th century, some have claimed God is dead. However, in 2005 FOX news refuted this claim with recent footage of God, saving us writing time. Also, he appeared to give His full unconditional support of the Republican party in the year 2004."
On his appearance —
"God is often said to look like the stranger in the mirror, but forgotten prophet Zoab wrote several unique aspects of the immortal being, such as the following description of what God looked like:
First we can state that God has a beard, as this is a commonly known truth and all theologists of all people agree with this by nature. But a fact that is overlooked by most theologists is that God only has one hand. People always talk about "THE hand of God" and never say "a hand of God" or "one of God's hands". This also explains why people who are praying put their hands against each other: they do this to be respectful towards God, as the people would appear to have just one hand too. It would be a huge disruptance of the cosmic order if a mortal appeared to have more hands than God himself. This explains why we are not allowed to depict God: if we were, people would notice He has only one hand. As playing dice is easier with two hands than with one, this also explains why God does not play dice (except in those cases when he does)."
On Proof of God's identity —
Nobody is perfect,
Perfect is God only;
Therefore, God is Nobody.
Therefore, He does not exist.
or
God is love.
Love is blind.
Ray Charles is blind.
Therefore, Ray Charles is God.
or
I stink, therefore I am,
Thus the less you stink the less real you are.
Cleanliness is next to godliness;
The cleaner you are the less you stink,
Therefore God doesn't exist.
And last but not least —
The holy wrath of God.
